CHINER! Part I

Yes...Chiner. As Laura and I were so fortunate to live in luxury for a few days at the Swissotel (yep, Swissotel, no h) Beijing, on the tab of her parents (love ya George and Jean!), we also were lucky enough to get to watch a lot of BBC and CNN, which is not possible in our halls in HK since we don't know how to change the channels from Cantonese to English. Even though were not able to see any news on Tibet (as the "big brother" Chinese government would literally BLACK OUT anything related to Tibet, the TV would just go freaking blank, they really do not like the Dalai Lama), we did begin to notice that almost every anchor on these channels have some sort of exotic accent, whether it be British, Middle Eastern, French, etc., and they all pronounce China, Chiner. "We're seeing a lot of growth still here in stocks in Chiner..." Stop saying that damnit! It's ChinA!

Anyway, our first night was hilarious. Poor Laura's parents had already had a bad experience the night before with some bad, unfriendly to foreigners', restaurant, and then here we are, dropped off by our taxi in the middle of some traditional Beijing hutongs (really OLD little villages with narrow alleys, very dark, no street lights) with no idea where this "famous" roast duck restaurant is supposed to be. Then, ah ha! we see scrawled on the brick wall next to us, a chalk drawing of a duck with an arrow! So we followed the ducks and there we were! We had quite a lovely dinner. I saw a bunch of pictures of famous people on the wall, so I figured this place must be a big deal even though it looked like a shithole. So I insisted the owner take a picture with us. He then proceeded to teach us how to say the name of his restaurant in Chinese. "Lee ChOOn"... (Laura and I repeat), "Roast Duck" (Laura and I repeat), "Restaurant." Then I think to myself, wait a minute...I should be teaching YOU - Mr. Li Qun - how to say "roast duck restaurant!" That's my language! The bathroom or should I say "toilet" was also fun. Here, I'll just let you check it out.
The next morning we made our way to the Forbidden City and were fortunate enough to find ourselves a guide! We still don't know what her name was, but we loved her. I think it may have started with an M. Let's call her May. May was a very experienced guide. She never let us get sidetracked. She was always making sure we were paying attention - "Okay, everyone, everyone, look me, look me!" She gave us butterfly hair clips when we answered a question right. "If it cloudy and cannot use sun for clock, how emperor know time?" I, after reading the information block, reply, "Uh...water?" "Ahhh...very clever girl!!" And yes, I got my butterfly clip. She even held my hand when we were among tour groups in their little red/blue/white/ yellow baseball hats, worried that, "she so small! don't want to lose her! she so small! don't want lose her!" She was also quite the feminist, making it quite clear that when Empress Cixi was in the Forbidden City, it was "phoenix over dragon, female over male, empress over emperor, woman over man." And...how can I forget, the last emperor PUYI. She loved his story so much, she told us twice! "When last emperor Puyi come to power, only small boy, bring him out for people to see, all people say 'long live emperor! long live emperor!' and little boy Puyi so scared he urine and shit in the pants! He so scared he urine and shit in the pants!" I'm beginning to think the Chinese think "shit" is the politically correct term for #2. Speaking of shit, this day I also had my first experience with the no door, waist-high divider squatters.

Afterward, we went to Tiananmen Square. It was huge. I took some pictures under Mao's portrait. What a guy. Oh and he's mausoleum was apparently open 8AM to 12 AM. When we got there around 4PM it was closed. They're still working on the AM/PM.

The next day, I went the GREAT WALL OF CHINA. Doesn't that just sound crazy? Yeah! Laura's mom had arranged for a van to drive us to Mutianyu, "in its dramatic hilly setting and less intrusive tourist industry" (DK Eyewitness Travel Guide). We immediately fell in love with Driver Leo. He was so smiley. Actually, we had a few drivers that were really smiley. This is one of the reasons I really liked Beijing. People are genuinely happy. While at first it seemed Driver Leo spoke great English, we soon realized these were somewhat 'programmed responses.' After we had trekked along the Great Wall which was really amazing and still had snow on it (oh how I pined for Boston!), despite the embarrassing American students throwing snowballs at old ladies, Driver Leo said, "Now, we have lunch at restaurant 17 kilometers away, about 10 minutes." Laura's mom asks, "Isn't there that town we passed through that had lots of restaurants?" After a few seconds, Driver Leo responds, "Now, we have lunch at restaurant 17 kilometers away, about 10 minutes." Oh well, lunch was good.

That night we had an excellent Italian meal, better than any Italian I had had in Hong Kong. After dinner, Laura and I still had a lot of energy, so we went for a walk. After passing up the opportunity to go to Hooters Beijing, we decided a nice bottle of cheap wine from 7-Eleven would do. Unfortunately, we couldn't find a 7-Eleven, but we did find a Chinese grocery store where we also found GREAT WALL wine and Chips Ahoy, our favorite traveling snack. So we thought, what better way to end our day at the Great Wall than with Great Wall wine. So we did, and it was awful by the way.